A Bitter Honey

Today marks my return to the blogging world. I return not because I believe that I can write anything worth reading, but because everyone that I admire writes and I guess that means I ought to write as well.

This last week has been one of the most difficult of my short life. My son Jack was born on Valentine's Day and within thirty six hours he was flown to Kosair's Children's Hospital in Louisville to have surgery. Jack was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease which means that a portion of his intestine was not functional when he was born and he could not have a bowel movement. He is recovering from surgery and will have to have surgery again in three months. Years ago Jonathon Edwards wrote about the experiential nature of the gospel in the life of the believer; he said,

"...there is a difference between having an opinion, that God is holy and gracious, and having a sense of the loveliness and beauty of that holiness and grace. There is a difference between having a rational judgment that honey is sweet and having a sense of its sweetness. A man may have the former that knows not how honey tastes; but a man can not have the latter unless he has an idea of the taste of honey in his mind."

There is a difference between the capacity to understand that honey is sweet and tasting that sweetness in your mouth. The same is true with the grace of the gospel. There is a difference between a cognitive understanding that the holy and sovereign God of the universe is pleased with us in Christ, and true gospel fellowship that we experience when, through the Spirit, we see the beauty of who Jesus is and what he did for his people. The gospel cultivates a new set of desires in our hearts and we are made to look more like Jesus everyday. We start to love holiness and hate sin and though we are still fallen, we are new creatures in Christ (2 Cor. 5.17), in a new community awaiting a new creation.

As image-bearers of the true and living God, there are realities and experiences that we share in with our king. When I first held both of my boys I felt the love that the Father has for his Son, Christ, and all of his children. There was a joy and a love that I had never experienced before; I understood, before parenthood, that the Father loves his children, but it was not until I was a father myself that the sweetness of the honey was so real. This reality extends not only to experiences of joy but also those of pain. The past few days I have watched my son suffer. He has been in pain, he has not been able to eat and for several days he did not even  have the solace of his mother's arms. This experience has been merely a glimpse into the Father's heart as Jesus suffered on the cross. My pain is nowhere near the hurt and brokenness the godhead experienced as the Father poured his wrath out on his son on our behalf. Jesus died and the Father watched his Son suffer for my sin. Penal substitution has never left such a taste in my mouth.

I have had many professors in Seminary tell me that theology matters, not only in the classroom but also in every facet of life. This past week has been a storm and Christ and his gospel have been the ark keeping Bethany and I safe. God is sovereign, history is teleological, everything happens because one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord (Phil. 2.10); these truths have been a shelter for our family. This morning as I held my son I took comfort in the gospel. He was in pain, I'm sure he is scared, he probably doesn't know what is going on and it may feel like it will never get better. He may be feeling that way but as his father I know those things are not true. I was holding him in my arms, I was not going to let anything hurt him. I am doing everything I can to make sure he is getting top notch medical treatment and I will not rest until he is better. Sometimes I feel scared when things do not go as planned, sometimes there is pain and sometimes it feels like it will never get better. All the while I am in the arms of my Father who has promised always to care for his children and who will not rest until all of Christ's enemies have been placed under his feet (1 Cor. 15.25).

The honey of the gospel is so sweet, but sometimes the honey is bitter. Believers rest in the fact that what appears to be, and is, so often evil, God uses for good (Gen. 50.20). Regardless of what happens day to day, Jesus is still king and the gospel is still true. My circumstances change, my feelings change, my wants change, my likes and interests change, but God does not change (Mal. 3.6). The promise of Genesis 3.15 rings true today as it did in the garden. The serpent's days are numbered and King Jesus is sitting on the throne of David right now! While we await Revelation 21 & 22 there will be joy and pain, there will be births and funerals, there will be times to laugh and times to cry, and we do all of these things with our church community and our older brother, Jesus. The honey has been bitter this week and I'm sure it will be again, but it is nothing in comparison to the pain experienced on my behalf so many years ago. One thing is for sure, I will never sing these lyrics in the same way again:

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That he should give his only son

To make a wretch his treasure